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lyrics

someday i'm going to wake up
to see my eyes had been sewn shut
and i blindly go where i am told
arms outstretched into the unknown
it's all been status quo
did i lose myself long ago?
in the light of the words
the thrill of the show
or fade of the afterglow?

i used to believe
i could make my life mean something
i dont know what changed in me
but my ambition has atrophied
i've hid inside this bluff
that i told to hold myself up
but the only thing i love
it'll never be enough

did you dream much
did you think there's got to be a way
did you give up
has the real world whisked your hope away now
do you feel like anything you love
is really worth anything?
what's that feel like?
can you tell me what it feels like?
to have something to hold onto?
i tried art
but my mind was left to wander the dark
"maybe they all bought into the farse
but i know what you are"
they filmed you at your peak
now you watch as you fall asleep
a modern, curated scene
of the person you used to be
caught somewhere between
some dream life and a living dream
why did you believe
in something that you'd never seen

in your head,
staving off the apathy
is a war inbetween
the drive to realize a better life
and the ravage of time
in the end, do i see
dispossession grab ahold of me
or my own hollowed out misery
empty inside
free to be reorganized
into somewhere that you
could carve out a life
something to stoke the light

what does a scanner see?
can it tell them what's wrong with me?
why after everything
i still don't know how to be happy?
does it see into my dreams?
clearly or darkly?
i've seen it on the screen
but was that ever really me?
it's the life that i dreamt of
was the only thing that i loved
i'm so scared of waking up

credits

from chaos takes the wheel and i am a passenger, released October 20, 2023

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awakebutstillinbed Berkeley, California

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