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    1st Pressing (Vinyl):
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lyrics

the pavement bathed in the winter's light
betrays an unobstructed line of sight
i've been searching all my life
for a little glimpse of light
weight behind the eyes
wearied deep inside
i drag on through the night
and feel like i'm finally where i should be
endless surroundings circling me
lost in the hopeful anxiety
maybe this all will be worth something

i want to see how i've been deprived
it took my whole life to finally feel alive
learn to survive off the uncertainty
is this real? is this really happening?
i never sought everything

the future draped in a veil of night
the past always closing up behind
i've been searching all my life
and just want to get this right
it felt like in the past we had each other's backs
why did i believe that?
all of the people would rather see
each other's failures on the big screen
they might find the distance reassuring
but their words really mean nothing to me
and living in fear of their sifting eyes
and fickle pretensions
really i'd rather die
doubt and dejection bubble up in me
is this it? is this different from anything else?
i just want to know-

if happiness is always just a flash in a pan
i've been trying to understand
all the things that drive me on while everything around
is all burning to the ground
its always lurked in the background
a little spark within the doubt
the need pours out in a river of sound
drowning out the endless listlessness:
"this is something i can't live without"

in every moment the light shines twice as bright
though cold envelops the fading life inside
i vie for closure of the mind thats evaded my eyes
i see the smoke filling the sky spelling out "at least you tried"
the wonder and mystery dissolve in the nascent routine
i cling to the feeling but my grip is slowly slipping

i used to dream of this worn-out endless road
i used to lust for all the streets that i'd never known
i used to feel so trapped inside all the walls of my home
i used to get lonely
now i'm never alone

this is what i want

credits

from chaos takes the wheel and i am a passenger, released October 20, 2023

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awakebutstillinbed Berkeley, California

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