stay who you are

by awakebutstillinbed

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1.
beauty 04:32
why not? what am i waiting for? what do i think is going to happen that hasn't happened before? i'm lost, what am i doing here? i already know what's going to happen so why waste another year? i don't know. is there hidden beauty in this life? i don't know. do i really want to live to see my friends die? i don't think so. i wish i could be a believer, but i know it's gonna stay like this forever until i go. i worked all week, spent my spare time staring at screens. i couldn't sleep, i couldn't remember any of my dreams. i couldn't bear to see the things inside of me, i want to be who i was at age thirteen again. now all the girls i used to know can't come unless they're being choked. if our future's bought and sold, is growing up just getting old? cause now all the boys that i knew won't look at me unless i'm nude. they said it's catching up to you, time is catching up to you. all the girls i used to know can't breathe unless they're being choked, so if our future's bought and sold, can someone tell me where to go? cause now all the boys i used to see all think there's something wrong with me. i want to be who i used to be, i want life with intimacy, but it was taken from me. is there hidden beauty in this life? do i want to live to see my friends die? why can't i be a believer? is it gonna be like this forever? why not? what am i waiting for? what do i think is going to happen that hasn't happened before? i don't know.
2.
leave 04:11
every winter it's the same fear; i'm gonna be alone on christmas this year. and though i think your heart is sincere, i know i don't really belong here. i sense their glares, and i feel unprepared. i'm afraid to say anything, cause i'm not sure that they'll know what i mean. i want to be here with your family, instead i'm packing up my things to leave. my heart is running on the cold air, they say that i spend too much time with you, but i don't listen. feel like i'm in high school again. it's reflected in the concepts they share. i might be there, but i don't see where. i'm far away mentally, cause i don't think they want to hear from me. i want to be part of my family, instead i'm sitting here silently. i'm afraid to say anything, cause i don't know if they care what i think. i want to be loved by somebody, instead i push them all away from me.
3.
mirror 03:21
i tried to play god, tried to build a whole new me. but unlike god, i had to keep on living. you are strong in a hidden way; true self-love, i ran away from it. strange how you wish that you were dealt my hand, but you could love your children, and that's something i'll never understand. live your life, it's not too late for you. i'll stay inside, don't you wait for me. i'm someone else, i can't come with you now. just save yourself, if you know how. stay who you are.

about

collection of songs written & recorded during the covid-19 pandemic that don't fit on any of our other upcoming releases

pre-order the vinyl here: acrobatunstable.com/shop/9ay049rmtnq3o8qz76qope980rae14

credits

released December 25, 2020

songs by shannon. arrangements by shannon with help from brendan.

the following people contributed to this release:

ally garcia - bass
brendan gibson - guitar, synth
jpegstripes - drums, synth, piano
cat egbert - drums
jason hallyburton - drums
shannon taylor - guitar, bass, vocals

recorded in shannon's house, the twins' house, the art boutiki and ally's basement in december 2020. art by simona morales. mixed/mastered/produced by jason hallyburton. additional production by kyle gibson. special thanks to jpegstripes and cat for their features, to chillwavve for inspiring me to write "leave" for their christmas comp, as well as martin and eric for helping us with this release. thanks to everyone who has ever supported this project, love you all, thanks for listening.

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awakebutstillinbed San Jose, California

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  • Oct 29
    Gainesville, FL

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